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11/28/2006 I need a long break...recently, im feeling so down... whatever i do or i say, things just dont work. eg. calculating payroll, i can actually made so many mistake which i usually dont; when he call me, all i say is just pissing him off; even sending him a sms, i could actually pissed him off as i talk alot of rubbish. hais. things just dont go smoothly for me. im tired, really very tired... i wish i could apply for a long leave and go for a holiday to relax myself. i need a break, a long long break... everyday i just keep thinking of so many things, stress over so many things till i gonna break down soon. no matter how much i drink, my mind just cant stop thinking of ....... i really dont know what to do. every now and then, i just cant concentrate on my work. in office, i idle for the whole day and staring blankly in my computer. i scribble all over the blank piece of paper, dont even know what im scribbling too. what has got into me? why am i becoming like this? argh~ 11/27/2006 Whatever...im sorry if my words hurt you, but pls understand me. now my life is sucks and i cant be bothered to think so much. yep, WHATEVER is all i could say right now. i cant be bothered about anything, anymore. i know you care alot for me, i know you worried about my health. but i just cant control myself to say all this words to hurt you. recently, im in a damn bad mood. i know my attitude towards you may be hurting. i dont respect you as my mum. but im truly sorry. now i really needs time to cool down myself. so, pls leave me alone. i promise you i wont do stupid things, alright. mum, i love you.
 for you... maybe my message really pissed you off, im SORRY. i dont know why will i message you this kind of things. but when i read it many times, i think my message (i wouldnt say completly, but half of it) is also what you felt in your heart. am i right? WHATEVER it is, maybe your heart is no longer with me now and,or anymore. when i start to realise my mistake, its just all too late. alright, i'd learn to accept the fact, and i'd accepted my fate. thanks for the memories you have left for me. the memories you left, is a memorial ones. i'll keep it in my heart forever.
GOD ~ pls take me away from this empty world. lead me out from my darkness life. erase all my past memories.
GOD ~ pls bring me to a place where i can find peace, love and joy. enlighten my life once again. give me a brand new memory. 11/26/2006 Maybe, its my mistake.....finally i've completed something that is very important to me. luckily i manage to find the things i wanted to buy. hmm` though is really hard to find, but God bless me and lead me to the place where the shop sells exactly what im looking for. Thanks so much, GOD!! now there's only left 1 more last thing for me to do. well` i didnt do it before, but i gonna try it.
 now im so broke. dont even have enough money to buy food for my Jader boy. dont even have money to bring him go cut botak as he got ticks on his body. i really dont know what to do. suddenly, i felt im so lousy. i cant give Jader the best, i even let my loved ones to walk away from my heart. instead of giving them the best i could, i actually let them suffer with me. now im so lost, so confused, i really dont know what can i do? maybe its my mistake to love you, my mistake to be with you, my mistake to have Jader in my life. end up, now all suffer in pain. if God can grant me a wish, i'll wish that i could turn back the hands of time.. cherish and love you more.
Rain, pls wash away my pain..  11/24/2006 When there's no CHIVAS....ooh` im feeling so tired today. last night didnt have a good sleep. well` cus i didnt drink chivas. chivas now is like part of my daily meals. with chivas: i can de-stress myself, i can forget my unhappiness and turn in to bed and have a good sleep. but when im awake, everything is back to normal. stress, unhappiness, everything just came back. grr ~ in order for me to be strong, i gotta depend on chivas. without chivas, im really lost in my own world. i'll keep imagine alot of things. ok, maybe u'll say im crazy.
 now, he's happy being single. he can have his own freedom, dont feel much stress anymore. maybe i've really given him alot of stress in the relationship. well` SORRY & that's what i can say now. maybe you will be much happier without me. hmm` maybe being single also good bah. i can see that now you seems enjoying yourself. great to see you being happy. now im trying to let go of you, trying to let go of the relationship and forget about being with you again. cus i know that what you really need is what you're now, being SINGLE!! dont worry about me, i'll be fine. life have to go on... even if you dont leave me now, one day... you will leave me too. am i right? but i'll still love you no matter what happen and i'll be there for you if you need me.
I choose to love you in silence. Cus in silence, i find no rejection....
When love fades, nothing remains. We just gotta accept the fact and carry on with our journey....
every now and then, im thinking alot. im holding back my tears each time when i feel like crying. im really lost and confuse. my mind was like keep thinking, WHY ALL BECOME LIKE THIS?? WHY SUDDENLY IT BECOME SO WORST?? WHAT HAD REALLY HAPPENED?? how i wish i could just turn back the hands of time and all this doesnt happen..... but i know i cant.
now i really need time to fix my broken heart. i cant take anymore HURTS. i'll really break down one of these day.
hopefully, TIME WILL HEAL EVERYTHING. now i really dont know how long will it takes to heal ~ 1 year.. 2 years.. or 10 years?? seriously i dont know. cus it really hurts me deeply this time. i have no courage to pick myself up. i dont know how to falls for other and get myself into another relationship anymore. maybe i wont fall for another guy and get into any relationship anymore. seriously, i dont want it anymore. its too hurtful. i'll stop to love someone. i rather be single for the rest of my life and not to get hurt again.
WHEN I CANT TRUST MYSELF, I PUT MY TRUST IN GOD AND HOPE FOR MIRACLE.
I BELIEVE GOD WILL LIGHTEN UP MY WAY AND GUIDE ME THROUGH.....
hmm~ recently alot of my client keep asking me wanna join their company as a HR. well` they never see me before, dont know about my age, my qualification and working experience. i think if they see liao, sure faint. LOL~ anyway, im still thinking should i change anot. as my current company has so many stupid rules and restricted to use MSN and bla bla bla. somemore, as a recruitment consultant, i dont have much career prospect. unable to learn alot of things which i wish to learn. anyway, im still young, i believe i still can learn alot of things beside everyday viewing resume & coordinating. anyway, they're nice client and willing to wait for me to get my bonus then join their company. haha. if i turn their offer down, am i very bad? if i accept their offer, wah~ so many client, how to divide myself? well` if a company willing to offer me a HR post, doing recruitment, payroll and some other HR duties with a salary of $2000 & above, location is not far from my house and most importantly it must be a 5 days work week, preferably work from 9am - 5.30pm. maybe i'll accept it. hehe.
next year, i might further my studies. still thinking ~ what course to take, which school to choose, will it cost me a bomb and how about my Jader? hais~ ever since Jader came into my life, i know i have to commit myself to spend alot of time with him. well, its a commitment that i've made. i cant break my commitment, am i right? Jader, mummy will always be with you & take care of you. no matter what happen, mummy wont leave you alright? mummy love you. 11/23/2006 Crazy Shoppinghmm` today during my lunch, i went shopping to buy some things. *CANNOT TELL!! IT'S A SECRET!!* oh` bought 1 of the thing liao, but still left with 2 more things to buy. yay` the 2 things i think its very hard to find. hmm` after work went to some places to search for it. ask around so many shop & there's a lady whom told me that she knew of 1 place that sold that thing im looking for. but that place is so far away. somemore is under HDB flat. OMG~ i think i really gotta go somewhere else to search for it then. if really cant find it anywhere else, maybe i should go to that place which the lady told me. hmm` nevermind, with all means, i'll get it. decided to travel to m'sia to see if there do sell it anot. well` last time it seems everywhere can buy it. but now, it seems like i've to search for it. anyway` i think its worth it. LOL ~
today finally bought the shaving for my cutie hammies liao. yeah!! no more worries.
OH NO~ dunno how am i going to slp tonight without my chivas. SOB~
i need chivas badly ~ bring it over to me. 11/22/2006 UNLUCKY!!well` recently im being very unlucky. many bad things had happened. wtf~ what had got into me? pissed off~
hmm` today i lost one of the calendar. omg~ where has it gone to? argh~ yesterday just counted & it has 40 calendar. today when packing it, only got 39. so where's the 1 more? hais......... maybe my desk got mouses................................ LOL~ anyway, my boss gave me 1 more to replace it. well` never get scolded. LUCKILY...... 11/21/2006 Whatever it is..well` finally i got an answer for it. Thanks so much. Hope you'll be happy & i know you will.
hmm` recently im damn addicted to CHIVAS. didnt had a drink for so long, was afraid my liver couldnt take it as doctor warned me about my health problem. but now, after so many things had happened.. i simply cant be bothered anymore. i just wish to drink as much as i could, alright. dont ever try to stop me from drinking. dont ever try to make me change for who i am. cus no'one simply appreciate it & does not give a damn about it. i was such a fool to trust you. anyway, its the past. i dont wish to mention about it anymore. i learn to forgive & forget. i wouldnt be so dumb to get into another relationship anymore. ya` im too afraid alright. now, all i need is to be with my naughty Jader boy & my antidote, CHIVAS!!
gonna buy more CHIVAS & GREEN TEA to stock up my daily life.
CHIVAS` you're my heart, my soul & everything in my life. simply cant live without you. <3
now im listening to: TU AMOR by RBD. (simply love this song alot. -TU AMOR, means the world to me)
My Wish List(s):-
(1) RBD Album
(2) CHIVAS
(3) LEE HWA JEWELLERY
My wish shall come true soon ~ i'll buy you next week alright!! =) 11/20/2006 F**KING MooDLESSwtf man!! recently so many bad things just happen to me. why at this time, at this moment & why is it ME?? F**K man!! i cant stand it anymore la. when i try to change my damn attitude, there's no'one to support me, no'one to encourage me but instead, ppl trying to make me even ANGRY & PISSED OFF!! what all of u want from me?? you want me to change, & yet the other person keep giving me f**king attitude. pls la~ im not your maid la. u sick then i must take care of you. when i sick, who ever been there for me?? seriously, no'one ok!! not even the one i expect to be there for me. anyway, everything just simply sucks la. own family must be so stingy & calculative meh?? this one you buy cannot eat. then when you eat the things i buy, did i ever being so calculative anot?? whatever la~ im now f**king sick of everything la. i dont need anyone anymore la.
now i f**king hate my dad & my sis. (cus your just simply pissed me off!!)
at times, i hate my dog too. (you're being so naughty & irritating ok!!)
my feeling now is SAD, STRESS, CONFUSED, ANGRY & PISSED OFF!!
my hamster, xiao gua just passed away yesterday. head went missing. wtf!! so disgusting. im SAD for my hamster.
today, my dad call me to tell me that he has cancelled the Genting trip cus my sis say she dont wanna go, then next minute say wanna go. my dad never even ask for my permission & cancel away the trip. F**K la!! anyway, also good la. im damn ANGRY & PISSED OFF with my dad & sis. PLS LA~ make up your mind la.
im stressed today as too many things to do in office & im so sleepy. wtf!!
im confused as i dont know whether you love me or not?? who am i to you now?? i seriously have no clue about it. anyway, just hope that you will let me know asap. 11/18/2006 m0t0rsh0w 2oo6 @ SUNTECwell` an0ther surprise fr0m him again. c0me up wif0ut any n0tice. n0 call` n0 s0und & s0 secretly. L0L~ i think i g0nna g0 dig my ear lia0. he came up & 0pen the do0r & yet i dun even kn0w. 0mg~ if 0ne day g0t theif c0me my h0use, i think i als0 dunn0 sia. bleahs.
hmm` t0day went t0 m0t0rsh0w wif him. w0w~ g0t al0t 0f nice cars & bikes. grr~ if 0nly im rich, i'll buy all the nice cars & drive all ar0und Singap0re. wahaha~ im dreaming again. yalar` i like t0 dream al0t. it c0uld 0nly be a fantasy, will never c0me true. =(
to0k al0t 0f picture 0f him wif the cars & bikes. & i dun really to0k any picture 0f myself. cus im shy & i kn0w im ugly. take picture wif the cars 0nly sp0il the cars image. well` im n0t pretty, i admit. wads0ever. i am wh0 i bel0ng t0 will d0. i dun lik t0 make up t0 be pretty. i jus l0ve t0 be natural.
i simply l0ve this LAMBORGHINI... i wish if 0ne day i c0uld drive it ar0und the w0rld.....
anyway` i wanna thanks HIM f0r making my day wif surprise.. im really very happy & t0uched. i had fun t0day being wif u` s0 are u??
THANKS S0 MUCH!!!
L0VES <3
My Regret, A song of forgiveness - Karl KohlhaseI wish I would've said I love you You said the thing that hurt me most and I could not forget I wish I would've said I love you I had a million second chances that I let slip by I wish I would've said I love you Story behind this song.. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger... be put away from you... forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." 11/17/2006 RAIN ~ pls wash away my pain!!well` there's too many things happening recently. i'm totally lost right now. i cant find my way back home. im lost in a middle of nowhere. there's too many "WHY" in my mind. i dunno wad to do.
PLS TAKE MY HAND ~ GUIDE ME BACK HOME!!
have cried for days & nights. didnt had a good rest at all. hais ~
i l0ve to run in the rain
cus it can wash away my pain
i l0ve to walk in the rain
cus n0'one knows im cryin
so long, so long.. i never been running. well` just feel lik running now. so that i can forget those unhappy moments. im waiting for the rain, but i think its not going to rain. well` i cant stand it anymore. i dun wish to stay at home. i need a run. maybe i jus wanna runaway from the reality. i dun wish to face the truth. hmm` after running for five rounds, its really tiring. the sun is so hot, its lik burning my heart away. my face went red` finally i perspire when i run. hais ~
i dun feel lik writing anymore. i need a rest right now. 11/8/2006 My B'DAE, 15 N0Vwell, everyday i'm c0unting d0wn t0 my b'day
 . ya, 7 m0re days t0 g0 & i'll be turning 19 years 0ld lia0. on my b'day, i g0nna wear my fav T0PSH0P t0ps & MANG0 jeans. hehe. 0h` i tink i 0nly wear it 0nce. L0L~
i g0nna buy myself a new pair 0f heels this weekend. cus my n0tti Jader b0y l0ves t0 bite my sh0e. n0w i 0nly left with a pair 0f slipper & heels which is my b0y buy f0r mi m0nths ag0. hehe.
these few days i've n0t been eating. well, i g0t n0 appetite t0 eat & at the same time, i can save al0t 0f m0ney t0 buy myself a gift. treat it as i'm pampering myself. =)
hmm` hav been sick f0r the past few days. 0mg~ never felt s0 terrible bef0re. s0 many things had happened these few days. well, i'm sick & sad. i'm n0t happy at all. it's all my damn fault. argh~ starting t0 hate myself m0re & m0re. i dunn0 why?? but i jus can't st0p myself fr0m being to0 over-sensitive & p0ssessive. maybe it's u'd started your night classes everyday & suddenly my life has ben quiet d0wn with0ut you ar0und. hmm` i'm weak, i admit it. well, that's me that i can't change. SORRY~ but i still l0ve y0u deeply, my b0y.
n0w, i'm all al0ne. i keep tinking 0f many many tings. hais~
my b'day wish... jus h0pe that my b0y will be happy. wadever decisi0n he g0nna made, i'll jus respect him. anyway~ i've prepared f0r the w0rst. i dunn0 h0w am i g0ing t0 react when he's g0nna tell mi his answer. but, i'll still g0tta accept the fact, am i right? cus this is wad u'd decide. anyway, i really wish t0 see y0u happy. that's my b'day wish.
my b'day present
 , i wish... s0meone c0uld jus l0ve mi with all his heart. dun break my heart anym0re. treasure mi lik y0ur preci0us gem, cherish mi f0r i'm preci0us t0 y0u, l0ve mi f0r wh0 i am, care f0r mi as my heart is fragile, trust mi f0r i'll never cheat 0n y0u, and lastly C0MPR0MISE is the key t0 an everlasting l0ve. pls~ 0nly say y0u l0ve mi if i'm y0ur ideal girl. l0ve mi 0ne & 0nly in y0ur heart.  1 R0SE
 = I L0VE Y0U 0NE & 0NLY IN MY HEART. 99 R0SE
= 0UR L0VE WILL BE F0REVER (TIAN CHANG DI JIU, YONG BU FEN BIE).I PROMISE I'LL L0VE Y0U M0RE IF Y0U TAKE ME WITH Y0U!! |
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